honor your parents

We're all familiar with the commandment "Honor your father and your mother" straight from the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12). It must be a big deal to God for Him to include it in "The Top Ten." As a child, it's pretty clear what this means - obey your parents, don't argue with them, treat them with respect, etc. There can be some dilemmas here, such as what do you do if your parents tell you to do something you know is wrong? But, that's an issue for another day.

What I'd like to consider now is how do we obey this command when we are adults? At age 40, should we buy the house that our parents tell us to, or live where they tell us to, or raise our children the way they tell us to? Etc.

Sometimes once we have obtained our adult "knowledge" and "wisdom," our parents can seem pretty foolish. In Proverbs 23:22, we are told "Do not despise your mother when she is old." There are times when it might be a temptation to do so.

So, how do we honor our parents as adults?

I don't think the Bible commands us to obey them. As adults we are responsible for our own decisions, just as our parents were when they were our current age. However, I do think that we are expected to listen to what they have to say, treat it with respect, and consider it seriously. They have a lot of years of experience - they just might have some good ideas! It's OK to disagree with them, but your opinion should be stated gently, humbly and respectfully.

I also think we need to care for them when the time is appropriate. I believe in giving the aged and elderly as much freedom and autonomy as we can. However, when our parents need our help, we have the responsibility to make sure they are taken care of, just as they did when we were young.

It was helpful to me when I realized that God never commanded us to remain close to our parents, not only in terms of distance, but also in terms of spending a lot of social time with them and telling them our every problem or fear. I've found that my relationship with my parents is stronger if I hold a little emotional distance, while continuing to recognize the importance of the things mentioned in the previous two paragraphs. But, this approach might not be best for everyone.

It's also my opinion that parents who help support their adult children financially have the right to a little more intervention. If you can be financially independent of your parents, you should do so, but if not, recognize the fact that they have an "investment" in what you're doing and have the right to a little extra control. It's not reasonable or fair for you to expect your parents to give you money to spend in a way that they believe is unwise.

Treating our parents with respect is an important part of living the life God wants us to live, and I believe it pleases Him when we do so.